Pieces of the Past – Chapter 1
“Sure, no problem, I’ll see you in a little while.”
Being called in to cover yet another shift for an irresponsible employee is getting old. A master’s degree, 25 years of experience, and at 50 years old, I can’t get a job that pays more than minimum wage with part-time hours at the local ranch supply store.
Why, why, why I ask myself as I go about getting ready to spend the rest of my afternoon and evening behind a cash register asking people if they found everything all right, if I could get them anything else, or trying to convince them to buy the special of the day and then wishing them a good afternoon. I know I should be thankful to have a job but, honestly, it’s rather humiliating. It’s not that I think I’m better than anyone or deserve any special treatment, but dang it, I worked hard throughout school and for the last 25 years.
I go from room to room closing windows and closing the curtains in an effort to keep out the hot summer sun that will invade as the day progresses. I’ve never gotten used to the hot, dry summers in Northern California. I prefer the summers in Michigan where I was born and raised, where even the most humid of days are better than the overwhelming heat here. I leave the central air conditioner on while I am at the store, that way when I get home I will at least be able to fix myself some dinner and continue working on more job applications in a cool house.
I debate whether to take a shower now or wait until I get home. I laugh out loud at myself. Who in the world contemplates such silly things? I guess crazy people like me. I knew the manager was expecting me sooner rather than later so I decide I’ll shower when I get home, which I conclude is the best decision considering I will get dirty and sweaty at work. I change into a pair of jeans, choose a gray t-shirt with a cartoon chicken on the front, and pull on my boots. My make-up is minimal, just a swipe of mascara and a thin coat of light-colored lip gloss. My naturally curly salt and pepper hair is fine as it is, so I grab my purse, lock the door behind me and head toward my car.
During the twenty-minute drive to the store, I contemplated how my life had turned into such a mundane mess. My mind wandered back to when my mom died during my sophomore year of high school. Sam and Ginny Jacobs lived next door to my mom and me for as long as I could remember, and I spent a lot of time at their house. Ginny always made sure I did my homework and had a hot meal when my mom worked late. They were the only ones there when my mom died and, rather than allowing me to be forced into the foster care system, they took me in. I stayed with them through college and graduate school. I was the grandchild they never had, and they were the grandparents I never had.
Sam, a college history professor, and local historian shared his love of history with me. The three of us often went on excursions to ghost towns and other historic places. Ginny didn’t hold the same interest in history but always went along to make sure Sam and I took care of ourselves. We could get so lost in history and research that we would sometimes forget to eat or take a break for fresh air or exercise. After college, I took a chance and accepted a job with the State of California as a historian helping to research, locate and preserve historical artifacts.
I sighed thinking of how that dreamy adventure turned into reality when about a year after I moved to California and started work I met a man, fell head over heels in love, and when I found out I was pregnant, I found myself alone. The man I thought was the love of my life, and the father of my baby left the state like a criminal fleeing the country. All my dreams and plans turned into days of work, and nights, evenings and weekends of diapers and formula.
Luckily, when I moved to California, Sam and Ginny decided they would come with me for a few months to get away from the harsh Michigan winters. It didn’t take long for them to decide they would spend winters in California with me, and summers in Michigan. Between the Jacobs being near for half the year, and a good job, I could raise my daughter. It was a great arrangement and lasted until Ginny could no longer travel. I half expected Sam to resume the trips to California after Ginny passed away, but he never did, always saying he was busy with the historical society and some other projects.
The past 25 years my life revolved around my daughter, our home, and work, in that order. I had no friends because I had no time to do things that friends do together like lunch and manicures, which would just get ruined in the garden, anyway. Dating was never an option because, once again, there was no time for it and I didn’t trust myself to make a good choice in a man.
Annie and I spent our free time in our yard where we created a beautiful food garden and an orchard that provided us with all our vegetables and fruits. What we couldn’t eat, we canned or froze for winter. We also had a fantastic herb garden and multiple flower gardens. As Annie drew closer to graduating from high school and started making plans for college, I found myself alone more often as she spent time with her friends and taking part in school activities. With the abundance of herbs and with time on my hands, I taught myself how to make soap, lip balm, candles, and other items. Before I knew it, I had enough stuff to open a store and stock it for years, which wasn’t anything I was interested in doing, so I cut back on the soap production and tried to find something else to occupy my time.
Facing the onset of the first winter with Annie away at college, I tried my hand at doing some genealogy research. It didn’t take long before I was hooked and would spend most evenings at the computer searching for potential relatives and then trying to confirm the information gathered. The more time I spent at the new hobby, the better I got at tracking people down. One day when I was in the local thrift shop, I found an old bible that had a list of names in it. I bought it, took it home and set to work on trying to find the family that belonged to the bible. It took close to 6 months of work, but I located a family member and sent the bible to them.
That was the way my life went until January 3rd this year. My boss informed me that there would be a major restructuring and a significant reduction in the number of employees. After almost 25 years of loyal service, my job was being eliminated. He encouraged me to apply for any other open positions or I could accept the generous severance package being offered. I spent hours pouring over the open jobs list, realizing that my long list of qualifications was useless. I didn’t fit in anywhere, so I took the severance package, packed up my desk and headed home to figure out my next step.
When I got home that day, my mind was in a complete fog over what happened. Looking back, I know I should have always been prepared, but I wasn’t. Instead, I was complacent and unprepared. Without a resume. I had no idea how to look for a job in this new age of technology; I had no idea what I might even qualify for. Reality started setting in as I unloaded my car and started trying to figure out what to keep and where to put things. I called Sam, whose initial response was to “come home to Michigan” and look for a job there. He still had connections at the university and offered to make some calls and see if there were any opportunities there. I told him I would give it some thought, but it wasn’t likely since Annie was finishing her last semester at college and would come home to look for a job or figure out her next step.
Eight months later and here I am, working part-time at the ranch supply store. Every day I scour the job listings, I’m registered on every job board, I receive all open notices, I’ve sent out hundreds of resumes and applications. I’ve had a few interviews but have come up empty so far. The only job offered was the magic “work from home and make six-figures in your first 6 months”. I don’t want to say I’m desperate to find a job; I have some savings and the severance payout, but I don’t want to use those up. I’d rather save them for when I retire. In the meantime, I just want something to pay my bills and put food in my cupboards. I also want to enjoy it.
Taking a deep breath, I climb out of my car, force a smile and enter the building. Might as well get this over with.